Sam Drake, P.I., The Poultry Super Sleuth
The Case of the
Alien Invasion
"They're here! They're here! Oh, they're so horrible...I can't stand them...their voices so totally WEIRD! Come quickly, Sam, come quickly!" The voice on the phone was frantic.
Sam had dealt with hysterical females before, but this duck was totally out of her bill. He gradually got her to calm down.
"Now tell me," Sam inquired, "what makes whatever they are so bad?"
"They're ALIENS! From outer space, you know! Aliens! I'm afraid. We're all afraid! Please come quickly!", the duck pleaded.
"From outer space, you say? Did you actually see a UFO?"
"We all saw something...last evening there were strange lights and an awful sound on the other side of the Monster Rose bush, then this morning those horrible aliens came walking down from the bush, heading straight for us. They were jabbering in those weird voices. We were all frightened and we ran and ran as runner ducks do... Will you please come out to the orchard tempfence area? Please! We can't hold out much longer.", the frightened duck continued.
"All right," said Sam, "I'll get over as soon as I make a phone call to set some things in motion. Don't panic...stay calm. Tell the others that Sam Drake is on his way."
Sam slowly hung up the phone. "Aliens... aliens...hmmmmm...", Sam mused. "Maybe I'd better call in some expertise in handling cases like this. I think it would be wise not to try to go it alone."
Sam referred to his list of resource investigators, and then he carefully dialed the number that he had called only twice before. The relays in telephone centers closed, circuits were established, and in a small room in the basement of the Federal Bureau of Investigation a telephone rang.
"Mulder.", the voice stated.
"Fox!", Sam exclaimed, "Sam Drake here. How's it going, ole Buddy?"
"Sam, Sam Drake! Wow! It's been a long time. Let's see...must have been that case three years ago when we last saw each other. Remember?? The case where you helped me determine that the supposed alien hair was really duck feathers?? Remember?? Oh, it was a disappointment for me, but it was a brilliant piece of work on your part. I'm forever indebted to you, old friend.", Mulder responded.
"Oh, it was nothing", replied Sam, "When you've been around quacks as long as I have, recognizing duck feathers is second nature. But now, Fox, I have a case that can use your expertise. It's straight out of X-Files. It's a reported alien invasion. What's the chance of you and Agent Scully giving me a hand with the investigation?"
Mulder gave a long sigh and said, "Sam, there's nothing we'd like more to do, but right now we're on a really hot case. A new 'Deep Throat' has surfaced in the Department of Defense, and he has given us leads to some strange things that are going on in Roswell...that's Roswell GEORGIA, not New Mexico. In fact it's right in your lap almost, isn't it?"
"Yes, Roswell is about 25 miles from here...down toward Atlanta...but what's going on? Can you fill me in?", Sam inquired.
"Since I owe you, and since you may be able to help the FBI on this case, let me just say that there are reports of aircraft arriving at Dobbins AFB in Marietta, just a short drive from Roswell. They arrive in the middle of the night. There are escorted convoys that are going from there to an old abandoned cotton mill building in Roswell. My source tells me that experiments are going on in that old building to clone alien arms which are being grafted on Georgia peach trees to make them self-picking."
"I'm not interested in the trees, but if they have alien life forms in that building," Mulder continued, "that's the evidence I need to unmask the conspiracy. Sam, I wish that I could help you, but this is urgent for us."
"Hey, Fox, old Buddy...don't let it worry you. I'll manage, and I'll also get my street sources to check out Roswell. Meanwhile, you keep on pushing, man, 'cause, you know,the truth is out there.", Sam replied.
"The truth is out there! Sam, what a wonderful source of inspiration you are for me. The truth is out there! I'm going to adopt that as my motto, my guiding principle. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE! Thanks, Sam, you've made my day.", Mulder enthusiastically replied.
"Great! Go get 'em, Fox. I'll check with you later. Bye for now."
Sam hung up the phone and sat in deep thought. He got up, walked around his office in the corner of the greenhouse, took a sip of water and a couple of kernels of whole corn. The way became clear to him.
"Why didn't I think of her first?", Sam thought as he mentally chastised himself. "She is the obvious one to assist me in this investigation. She can't hear well now, doesn't have a phone, so guess I'd better go over and see her to appeal for help. Yep, if anyone can help me, Mamma Dee is the one."
Mamma Dee was the oldest duck in the yard. She was older than anyone in the yard could remember; she was older than she could remember. Mamma Dee was a muscovy duck, not a runner duck like the others. She also stood apart in another unconventional way: she was a skilled Root Doctor.
Each day the little old lady made her way
over the yard
as she gathered
herbs and other things that she used in her potions. She regularly visited
the doodle holes to get her precious, magical roots.
With the wisdom of the ages, Mamma Dee could use her gathered materials to work the magic of mojo and juju,and to make the good luck hands for the drakes to take to their card games. It was said that she even had a black cat bone which she used for black magic, but only against the foxes and the raccoons which would occasionally raid the yard. Everyone agreed that her High John Conqueror root was the most powerful of all.
So it was to Mamma Dee that Sam appealed for assistance.
"Mr. Sam, do I understand correctly? You want me to meet with you and the rest of the runner ducks to try to capture or drive away some aliens that have landed and are invading the duck yard?"
"Yes, Mamma Dee, I need your help and your knowledge in solving this case. I've never dealt with aliens before, and I think your magic and conjuring may be better to use against them than some other force. Will you come with me?", Sam gently asked.
"Of course I will," Mamma Dee replied, "I've never been afraid of anything from outer space. My potions can work on anything. Just a minute and let me get my things together. I think I'd better take some lodestones along in addition to my regular stuff."
She gathered up her roots and herbs then went with Sam to meet with everyone in the yard, down near the bamboo grove, to try to determine what was going on with this "invasion" of alien life forms.
Mamma Dee opened her bag as the other ducks drew closer, filled with curiosity. She laid out the lodestones carefully in the form of a triangle, then she pulled a small red velvet sack out of the bag, and from the velvet sack she very carefully removed her High John Conqueror root. The runner ducks were beginning to feel better, more secure, already.
The runners closest to Mamma Dee stepped back slowly as she pulled an old black leather pouch from the bag, opened it, and took out the rumored black cat bone. So...she really did have one. Mamma Dee placed the bone in the middle of the triangle of lodestones. Now let any evil aliens come if they will... They would have to taste the power of Mamma Dee, Root Doctor.
Just as the old duck was finishing her ritualistic placement of the objects from her bag, a duck scream startled everyone.
"QUAAARRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! Look! At the Monster Rose bush. Here they come! SQQQUUUUUAAAAARRRRKKKK!! Quick!! Run! Run!"
The runners, as if they were one, quickly assumed their upright, alert posture and prepared to move quickly away. Had they forgotten the powers of Mamma Dee so quickly?
Slowly Mamma Dee turned to face the approaching aliens, adjusted her glasses, then broke into waves of convulsive laughter.
"Quarkharharhar! HarharharQuarkarkark! Harharhar!
The runners, poised to dash off, turned in unison and stared at Mamma Dee.
Mamma Dee gradually got control of herself and said, "Look, you silly Ducks! Look closely at your 'aliens'. They're just young ducklings that aren't fully feathered out yet. They're talking in their young juvenile voices. They aren't aliens. Look closely!"
It was true. The runners who have excellent eyesight had let their vision become blocked by emotion and panic.
"Now you go and get acquainted with the ducklings while I make some sassafras tea for all of us. I don't have any of my new Ginkgo biloba and St. John's Wort tea for us yet. My double-blind clinical trials aren't concluded. Now go on and meet those ducklings.", Mamma Dee urged.
That evening at feeding time, Old Jim queried Sam about his latest case.
"Yes," said Sam,"you really threw everyone a curve when you put those new ducklings into the yard without a formal introduction!"
"I'm sorry about that, Sam," Old Jim apologized, "It wasn't very considerate of me. But tell me, didn't the ducks say that they saw a UFO near the Monster Rose bush the night before the 'aliens' appeared?"
"That's correct", replied Sam, "but after some further investigation, I discovered that your neighbor, Wendell, has a granddaughter who drives a pickup truck. She, Lindsey, came driving up at night with all of the lights on, including the lights on the bar on top. She had a tape of heavy metal music going full blast on the tape player in her truck. It's no wonder the ducks thought a UFO was landing!"
"True," said Old Jim, "here, you all have some more of this whole corn and oats. Maybe this extra portion will help to settle everyone's nerves."
Epilogue
Barry Koffler has been of great help in tracing the ancestry of the amazing Mamma Dee Duck. He and I have found that she is related to his muscovy duck named Huey. Do visit Barry's website and get acquainted with Huey and Barry's other poultry.
The views expressed on this web page are not necessarily the views of Georgia State University, Atlanta GA USA.
James D. Satterfield Canton GA USA jsatt@gsu.edu