If You've Been Sexually Assaulted
Although college is a time that most students look forward to as a stimulating and fun experience, it is unfortunate that the terrible things that can happen to a person in life can also happen in college. Enduring any kind of sexual assault is a traumatic experience that affects individuals in a variety of ways. This page has been written to support anyone who has been sexually assaulted, to help you understand the reaction you may be having and to guide you toward getting the support you need to be a more empowered survivor of one of life's most violating offenses.

What Is Sexual Assault?
Sexual assault is a general term to denote any kind of unwanted sexual advances and actions committed by one person against another. No one ever has the right to be sexual with another person when the other person isn't fully interested in participating. Sex is, by definition, consensual. In many states, an individual can be prosecuted for rape for having sex with someone who is intoxicated. This is because a person who is drunk isn't capable of giving consent, and taking advantage of that intoxication constitutes non-consensual sex. In other words, such action constitutes sexual assault----rape----a crime. 

However, this page is less concerned with whether you consider any action a "rape" a "sexual assault" or a "sexual violation" and more concerned with any hurt, anger, fear, and confusion that you are left struggling with as a result of some actions someone has taken with you and your body without your clear and complete consent. Images of rape in the media usually suggest that rape is always a violent act by a stranger toward a girl or woman who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. As disturbing as these images are, they should not be used to distort the fact that any unwanted sexual actions from someone towards you is any less an incidence of sexual assault. 

The unfortunate reality is that most rapes are actually committed by someone you know and someone you assume will treat you with respect. Whether this is a date or even an ongoing romantic partner, what defines rape is not the act, itself, but the context of the act as unwanted and performed without the clear and complete consent of you, the other human being in the situation. 

And if you have been a victim of a sexual assault, at any level, then whatever you may be feeling and thinking is the result of a trauma you have experienced. This page is offered to help you organize and understand reactions you may be having, including both emotions and thoughts about the assault, to help you gain a more complete and supportive perspective about yourself and your life.

It Wasn't Your Fault
The single most important message of this page is that you are not to blame for the sexual assault you have suffered. What makes this such an important point to emphasize is that a natural tendency emerges within most individuals who have been sexually assaulted that the violation they suffered was their own fault.  Sexual assault is not only an assault on an individual's body but also on their total sense of personal power.  Because of this, a common automatic reaction is to assume blame because this perspective provides at least some element that suggests you had at least some amount of control over the situation.  Unfortunately, much of society promotes attitudes that suggest victims of sexual assault are partially responsible for the assault.  Perhaps, this reflects a larger sense of fear and powerlessness that we all need to feel safer from the threat of sexual assault that exists. 

Nevertheless, what happened to you is not your fault and it is unfair and incorrect for you to accept the responsibility for another person's actions----especially when those actions cause the emotional turmoil you're likely going through. 

Emotional Turmoil
If you have been sexually assaulted in any way and that trauma has never been fully attended to, you likely are experiencing significant emotional turmoil. For some of you, it is a vivid and painful turmoil and for others, your turmoil doesn't feel as evident. Instead, you even feel somewhat numb or seemingly unaffected in a way that feels somewhat confusing to you. Whether your emotional turmoil is easy to identify or more hidden, it is important to keep in mind that attending to your emotional needs is an important part of surviving a sexual assault.  To ignore yourself at this point risks developing significant psychological and emotional scars that hinder you from living your life to the fullest. 

Often, because the trauma of sexual assault can be so overwhelming and because sometimes a person who has been assaulted does not feel able to share this with friends or family members, many of you reading this page may be struggling with an assault that occurred quite some time ago. Numbness or shock is a normal reaction to something traumatic. It is the mind's way of protecting against painful feelings. We human beings are much like many of the things we human beings invent. Stereo speakers, electrical circuits, computer processors----they all cut themselves off automatically if more input is provided than they can sustain at any given moment. It is important to know that even if you felt numb then and didn't fight back and feel numb when you think about the experience now, it doesn't mean you weren't hurt by.   It simply means you were protecting yourself until you could be at a place where you could get the extra support needed to handle all the emotional and psychological impact inherent in a sexual assault trauma.

Don't Be Alone
Whether your assault happened recently or some time in your past, the emotional turmoil is still a part of your life experience and you do not have to be all alone. It is important that you find somebody you can share this with that will be supportive and understanding. Think of your family and friends. You are likely keeping this to yourself out of a wish to protect them from the pain they would feel knowing you're suffering. Then, think of them as if they were feeling what you are feeling. How would you react to knowing they kept their emotional turmoil out of a need to protect you from being upset? If you conclude that you would want to know and that you're friends or family would want to be there for you, consider sharing with them. 

However, only share with those that you believe will have the strength to be understanding and supportive. Don't share with those who you can predict will react by trying to dismiss the magnitude of what you're going through or who will try to explain it away by holding you partly responsible. It's hard enough for you to fight those distorted thoughts in yourself!  Unfortunately, even though friends and family members mean well, they may say the most unhelpful things at times. If someone tells you "just put this behind you and move on" know that it isn't that easy, be sure to dismiss their comments and not your feelings, and find somebody else to get support from. 

Whatever support system you identify, keep in mind that it is important that you not remain alone and try to push those emotions down. Keeping these feelings down may cause them to resurface in more unrecognizable ways. Talking to someone can reduce how alone you may feel. Many times, those who have suffered a sexual assault struggle with problems such as flashbacks, difficulty concentrating, fears and anxieties, self-blame & shame, low self-esteem, eating & sleeping problems and difficulties in relationships. Rape survivors do recover and go on to live happy & healthy lives. Those who seek help probably recover faster and more completely. Remember it is never too late to let someone help. And, whether you believe it or not, you really do deserve that help. 

Help is Available
Whether or not you have been able to talk to friends or family (or other sources of support), it is often helpful to talk to a professional about these things. As someone who cares but is not in your personal life, a counselor can provide the objective support you need to work through the emotional turmoil and trauma. Because a counselor understands the experiences you may be having and has experience attending to such traumas, it's a safe place for you to put back the pieces of your Self that seem broken from the sexual assault somebody committed against you. If you're reading this, you weren't destroyed by this assault, even though you may sometimes feel that you were.  If you'd like some help in recognizing your strength and emotional survival, feel free to contact us for an appointment. Our services are confidential and, if you feel you need to make a specific request to see a counselor of a particular gender, we will respect that and will gladly make every effort to meet that request.

The Counseling Center
106 Courtland Street
Monday - Friday Open From 9 a.m. - 5 p.m.
(Evening Hours Available on Tuesdays When Classes are in Session)
(404) 413-1640

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